2007年10月24日 星期三
Do men and women have "pure friendship"? When I have many good boy friends , I believe it. However, everyone is not the same. Take myself for example,when I considered someone as a true friend, he suddenly told me that he liked me. What should I do? I just wanted to be his friend; as a result, when I told him the truth, I lost a friend. Moreover, I saw a news a few days ago, it was said that a man and a woman made love ,but they were only good friends . What happened to them? Did they love each other? I didn't think so. Men and women are different; you took him for friend, instead, he wanted to be your boyfriend. Sometimes we had sexual desire, but after that, we were still good friends. Should I say our world change? Or, should we think about ourselves?
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I wonder what you mean by "pure friendship". This is a tricky phrase. "Pure" is a problem because of what it means and the feelings that people associate with it and what they use it for.
For example, is there any such thing as "100% pure fruit juice"? Not really. Most of what we call fruit juice is water. The rest is some stuff from the fruit that gives the water a certain flavor. If the bottle says "100% pure apple juice", it means that the liquid inside was squeezed from apples only, not from apples and grapes or apples and oranges. It should mean that there are no chemicals added to change the taste, change the color, keep the juice fresh for longer than the few minutes or hors or days it "naturally" stays fresh, etc.
But that juice can look pure until one checks it out under a microscope. If there are bacteria or other living organisms in it, can it still be called "pure"?
Another meaning for pure is something close to "morally good" or "ignorant of the nature of evil". We sometimes use this adjective to describe newborn babies. One can have a "pure friendship" with a baby. But there are "evil" or sick people who see even babies as sex objects.
I have to mention sex here because the dictionary tells me that a pure friendship is a "chaste" (= 2 a : abstaining from all sexual relations *Galahad's chaste life* b : CLEAN, PURE, STAINLESS *chaste stars— Shakespeare*") friendship without sex (= c : marked by chastity : CONTINENT *a pure relationship between the sexes*).
The implication of this kind of phrase is that sex is somehow inherently dirty or impure or unclean. Maybe it would be better to think of a friendship that includes sex as a convenient (it might be for some people) or an inconvenient (it might be for other people) friendship. Or, perhaps, as a dangerous relationship -- dangerous because it might become emotionally unstable and difficult. People have different reactions to sex. Some become possessive and some become distant. Some people kill others because they've had sex or not had sex with them or with someone else. Sexual relationships can become very dangerous.
Maybe "complicated" versus "uncomplicated" is a better way of characterizing such relationships. But then there's another problem. One has to decide what might complicate a friendship. For some people, sex is not a complicating factor. For others, however, it is. Maybe it's more complicating if someone you consider only a friend and a sex partner wants to spend holidays or weekends with you.
Well, there are just too many things to think about when one thinks about the nature of relationships. In English, we can ask a few different questions. For example, What will you do and not do with a friend?, What will you do and not do for a friend?, What will you do and not do to a friend?, and What will you do and not do without a friend?
Maybe friends should sign contracts with other and promise to do certain things and not do other things. Maybe heterosexual men and women can't be friends in the same way that they can be friends with members of their own sex.
I don't know the answers to any of my questions. I have my own opinions, just as everyone else has their own opinions. It's something we all think about.
I'm really curious about this piece of news you saw: "Moreover, I saw a news a few days ago, it was said that a man and a woman made love, but they were only good friends." Where did you see it? I can't imagine that it was in the newspaper or on TV news. I also wonder about calling what they did "made love" instead of "had sex". What makes you think that these two phrases mean the same thing?
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